*****
Chapter Sixty Seven.
Cause. Part two.
Buffy sat under the shade of the deck awning, sheltered from the noonday heat and the fierce brightness. She’d woken with a thumping headache and despite taking some strong painkillers it was still with her. She smiled as Spike place another cold drink next to her. He was taking fussing to a whole new level, hovering over her all morning. She found his gentle attentiveness very endearing.
She hadn’t spoken to him about the things he’d revealed to her the night before and she knew he was avoiding the subject too. His eyes would slide shamefully away from her every time she looked at him for more than a moment and his conversation was all too neutral…too bland. Finally, she’d had enough. Headache or no headache, she wasn’t going to allow him to avoid this. They said they would finish this today and that’s what they would do even if it killed them. Buffy guessed he just needed reassurances. He had opened up about some very dark and disturbing things and she knew it must have taken a great deal of strength and courage to do that.
Just thinking about the things he’d told her made her shiver; she knew she would always view him with different eyes from now on. Angel’s viscous treatment explained so much about Spike. Buffy could well imagine a younger Spike having to learn quickly how to defend himself…to grow hard and meet the violence and corruption that swamped him with equal measure. She reasoned it would be a case of survival and the younger Spike had proved determined and strong. She could only guess at the things he must have done to, not just survive, but to fight his way to the top. Probably just to ensure no one tried to take advantage of him and use him in the cruel and disgusting way Angel had. Buffy realized she no longer questioned or doubted Angel’s part in all of Spike’s torment, and though Spike hadn’t mention Masters, Buffy didn’t doubt for a second that the crime lord knew exactly what was going on between his two favourites. She was sure it was even encouraged…after all, the old man would want to ensure his empire was ruled by the strongest and fittest…and he would have pitted Angel and Spike against each other just to see who would be the victor. It was Angel who proved to be the more viscous and ruthless of the two and Masters rewarded him by choosing him as his heir and giving him LA to run.
Suddenly, Buffy wondered if that was now Spike’s position…did Masters think of William Winters as his heir? Was Angel deposed permanently? Buffy wasn’t sure it mattered. Her life was now tied to Spike’s in ways she could never have imagined, but they still had so much to work through and it all terrified her. What if she was wrong about him? What if he didn’t love her as she suspected? She could be making a mistake of huge proportions and the consequences would leave all the power with Spike, and that’s where her real terror lay…she would be giving Spike all the power and she would be diminishing herself. Buffy wasn’t sure she had the courage it would require to do that. Yet, if he loved her…
Then, she reminded herself how he’d opened up and exposed himself to her. Didn’t that give her power over him too? He was so courageous, telling her about his rape and she didn’t doubt he’d never told another living person about it. It was the kind of information that could ruin him. He would not only lose face. He would have no creditability or respect from his men, his business clients or the people he was expected to deal with. Buffy studied him. He was sitting across from her reading a book, absorbed and unaware he was being observed. She now saw the man and the actor before her. He had kept his secrets and covered over them by becoming exactly what he needed to be…for who could doubt him if he was as viscous and ruthless as Angel…no one guessed…no one questioned…no one knew…except her. Buffy realized he hadn’t even asked her to keep it a secret…and instinctively, she knew it was because he trusted her completely. Trust was such a small word…yet, such a big thing.
She stood up and he immediately looked at her. “I think I’ll lie down for a while…see if I can shake this headache.”
Concern filled his eyes and he stood up with her. “Are you sure it’s not a migraine luv? ‘Cause if it is, we can head inland and get you some meds.”
She shook her head softly. “I’m sure…I’m just tired…I’ve not been sleeping very well lately and Doctor Bryson said if it was still a problem on my next visit, he’d prescribe me some sleeping tablets.” She moved towards the main cabin. “Why don’t you come and lay down with me…you could read or maybe even catch up on some sleep yourself?”
Spike wasn’t about to refuse her. He would do just about anything to be near her. “Okay, an hour or two relaxin’ on a bed with you won’t be too torturous I s’pose.” He joked.
Buffy stopped and turned to look at him. “Only if I decide not to torture you…” He grinned as she stepped up close to him, running a finger playfully down his chest, a sweet ‘n’ sexy smile on her lips. “Because if I do decide to torture you, I can promise you it will be very, very torturous.”
She quickly moved away and headed for the bedroom, not waiting to see if he was following. She knew he would.
Spike closed the bedroom door, desire coiling deep in his veins. Buffy had her back to him as he watched her slip out of her shorts and t-shirt. He let his eyes glide over her beautiful body, his desire building steadily. She lay down on top of the bed in her pink and white bra and panties and looked at him. She smiled shyly and blushed. Spike’s heart lurched. Suddenly, she was his sweet, shy, blushing Buffy again and his lustful desires simmered down and the desire to protect her rose up. Stripping down to his jeans, he stretched out beside her.
She reached for the lightweight cotton throw draped at the bottom of the bed and covered the two of them with it. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back to spoon against him, his hand resting gently on her stomach. Buffy closed her eyes and shuddered as desire ignited within her.
Spike misunderstood her reaction. “Shush luv, I won’t hurt you…” he kissed her shoulder. “I know we ‘aven’t talked ‘bout it, but we’ll take things as slow as you want…no pressure…no rush…” he nuzzled her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. “When you’re ready…I can control myself if I ‘ave to…your wellbein’ is more important to me.”
Buffy wondered why she hadn’t heard the things he was saying to her before. Why she didn’t pick up on it sooner…but then she remembered he was trying to hide it…and he still was. Ignoring her headache, she turned in his arms.
“Angel killed Lily,” she whispered.
Spike stared at her. “What?”
“Angel killed Lily…and it was my fault,” she told him.
Spike searched her face. Angel had told him his version of events and he knew he couldn’t let on he knew anything of what she was about to reveal, though he was a little surprised by the abruptness of her statement.
He caressed her back, softly trying to reassure her. She looked startled by her admission. “Tell me,” he whispered.
She began tentatively, her eyes closed and her voice remained soft. “I was working at the agency and Giles, my boss, asked me to go and check out a call he’d received from a runaway. He told me she was really frightened and would only agree to meet with someone if it was a woman and they came alone. Well, it wasn’t the policy of the agency to send anyone out alone, but I agreed to go as long as she’d meet me in a public place of my choosing. She agreed and I went to meet her at the library.”
Buffy pulled the cotton cover tighter and higher as if she was cold. “When I met her, she was really frightened…but slowly I managed to get her to open up. She told me she wasn’t really a runaway. Her mother had kicked her out when she was sixteen. She’d drifted from city to city and finally in desperation, she ended up working as a prostitute. That’s when she told me she was working for Trick. She was with him for nearly a year, but he wasn’t making her work the streets…but he was setting her up with a special client…a businessman she told me. I thought this was very unusual. I knew Trick, having helped a few of his girls get medical assistance and some times contact relatives and stuff like that, and all the girls I’d met before, all worked the streets. Well, Lily’s story got me wondering and I asked her if Trick was keeping back any other girls for more businessmen. She told me there were ten other girls…so I asked her what the problem was…thinking she should be grateful Trick wasn’t forcing her to work the streets, but I needed to know why she was so frightened.”
Buffy shifted in Spike’s arms, biting her lip and frowning deeply. Spike waited for her to begin again, realizing he was getting a lot more of the story from Buffy than he had from Angel. He didn’t dare breathe as she gathered her thoughts.
“Lily told me Trick sent her and the other girls to a clinic to make sure they were all clean and safe, or at least that’s what he told them…because the sex they were having with his special clients was always without the use of protection. Apparently the clients paid extra knowing the girls were clean, but when the girls asked him what would happen if they got pregnant, they were told not to worry about it because they would be looked after. Trick told the girls if they got pregnant, they could either keep their babies or put them up for adoption. If they decided on adoption, he said he would make sure they earned a nice fat payoff because he knew of an adoption agency that asked no questions. Or, if they really wanted to keep their babies, then he’d arrange to help set them up on their own in a different city.” Buffy looked at Spike, trying to gauge his reaction, but his expression was unreadable.
Sighing, Buffy continued. “Well you can imagine my reaction was one of disbelief. It seemed too far-fetched, a pimp who didn’t mind if his girls got pregnant, but Lily was adamant that was exactly what was happening. Lily then told me, as soon as a girl took a positive pregnancy test, she didn’t have to return to work. Trick made sure she was well fed and looked after with all her medical checks taken care of. In fact, the girls were treated like queens and when they got to about seven months, Trick would send them to a nursing home to see out the rest of their pregnancy and he’d arrange to have the baby put up for adoption. I could only guess at the amounts of money he was selling the babies for to make all his expenses worthwhile, but I knew there were lots of people out there willing to use illegal adoption rings to gain a baby and they’d pay anything just to get what they wanted, but Lilly explained it was much worse than that.”
Buffy shifted and swallowed nervously. “She explained the girls never returned and though Trick said they were all being relocated to different cities, they weren’t…and Lily knew this because one day she overheard Trick on the phone discussing the price of a girl’s baby. The girl…er…I think her name was Debbie was sent to the nursing home a few weeks before and she must have delivered her baby because Trick was talking money and percentages, and then Lily overheard him ask the person on the other end of the line if the mother had been taken care of yet…he mustn’t have got the answer he wanted or expected, because he got angry and shouted at the person to do his job properly and kill Debbie right away.” Buffy shuddered feeling drained, but she knew she was nearly finished with Lily’s story and she wanted to get through it so she could explain the other part.
Spike watched her struggle with herself. She shuddered in his arms, looking pale and suddenly worn out. He hoped she finished soon…he could see it was really upsetting her.
“Lily was petrified…but she went back and told a couple of the other girls what she’d overheard and together, they decided to search Trick’s office and try and find some evidence to prove what was going on. I don’t know how Lily and the other girls managed to sneak into Trick’s office, but they did and they found all the proof they needed.”
Tears sprang to her eyes and he could hear the strain in her voice as she spoke. “Trick was selling their babies and the girls were being killed to safeguard the new identities their babies were being given, because Trick wasn’t running an adoption ring, but an elite baby factory where the babies were sold to their own fathers…who, once the real mother was dead would pass the baby off as belonging to their wives, who couldn’t or wouldn’t have children of their own. Trick’s girls realized it was all true when they all compared stories and realized Trick only ever arranged for them to sleep with one client and always the same one. They were being used like surrogate mothers, but instead of a big fat payoff at the end of their pregnancies, they were being killed so some other woman could pretend she was the baby’s real mother, and these men were rich enough and powerful enough to pull it off…” Buffy’s voice nearly broke and Spike could see that suppressing her tears was nearly killing her. “The girls were just disposable to these men, because they were just runaways, forgotten by society…nobody really cared what happened to them, but once they delivered their babies, they were a liability that had to be disposed of in order for those men to complete the lie and pass the baby off as their wives.”
Spike stroked Buffy’s back, trying to calm her. She was really worked up. Her face was flushed and her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Okay, luv…that’s enough for now…let me go fix you a drink…maybe a rest would be a good idea…you can tell me the rest later when you’ve–”
Buffy cut him off. “No Spike…I need to do this now…or I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it…please.”
He sighed, seeing she was determined. “Okay, but let me get you that drink.” He eased away from her and pushed back the cotton cover. “How does a nice cup of sweet tea sound?” he asked.
She laughed nervously, thinking sweet tea sounded wonderful. “Sounds great…thank you.”
Spike tucked the blanket back around her and leaned down to place a kiss on her cheek. “Okay, I’ll be back in a mo’ luv…don’t go anywhere will you?” He joked, trying to lighten things.
Smiling, Buffy shook her head.
*****
Sitting up on the bed, Buffy sipped her tea. Spike was propped up next to her, drinking his own. Buffy picked up the threads of her story, desperate now to finish.
“Lily begged me to help her. She was six, nearly seven months pregnant and terrified. What could I do? I said yes. I asked her to find out if any of the other girls wanted help as well and she said she’d discuss it with them, but she needed to be so careful…if Trick suspected what she was up to, she knew she’d be locked up and guarded until she had her baby. I agreed with her and told her I’d get my boss Giles to help me find somewhere safe to hide her and any of the other girls that decided to come with her. When I discussed it with Giles, I knew I couldn’t tell him the whole truth because it would put him in danger too. So I merely told him she was a runaway forced into prostitution and that her pimp was going to force her to get rid of her baby. What else could I do…I had to protect Giles as much as I had to try and protect Lily. Lily told me she’d found out the real identity of the man who was the father to her baby…but I couldn’t persuade her to tell me who it was. She was too scared and I guessed this man must be someone of great power and influence. She begged me not to involve the police…not until she was safe and she promised me she would get me the evidence that proved the identities of as many of the men as was possibly, as long as I got her safely away first. So I agreed.” Buffy drained her mug of tea and Spike attentively took the empty mug from her and placed it on the bedside table.
Buffy made herself comfortable again, fluffing the pillows just right and settling back against the headboard. She was aware of Spike watching her expectantly. “A few weeks passed…I’m not sure how many exactly and I was still looking for the perfect hiding place for Lily. The clock was ticking and everyday that passed made me more anxious. I’d managed to meet with Lily a couple of times, but we needed to be very careful because she was now being escorted everywhere she went. So I’d usually pose as a shopper and meet her in the ladies changing room or the ladies restroom just so we could talk without Trick’s man becoming suspicious. Lily managed to talk three other girls into leaving with her…but as it turned out, they never made it…one of them had her baby early and the other two were sent to the nursing home before we could set a date to get them out, but eventually I managed to find somewhere safe for Lily to hide and I made plans to get her away. It was so hard…and I was so scared we’d get caught…I had visions of Lily being found out and spilling everything about my involvement…but I knew the risks and despite my fear, I was determined to help her and expose Trick and those men to the authorities. I got in touch with Lily by leaving her notes in a specially agreed book in the library and I told her I needed her to be ready to leave the next time Trick arranged to have her taken to the hospital for a check-up. I checked the book everyday and finally she left me a note, telling me exactly the time and date of her next appointment. So posing as a nurse, I sneaked into the hospital and helped her escape. I’d never been so terrified in my life.” Buffy turned and looked at Spike, regarding him with a pained expression.
“But I’ve been more terrified since. I…I thought y-you weren’t going to come for me. H-he said you knew…and that you told him to get rid of me. Oh, God Spike I was so scared…I th-thought I was going to die…” she burst into loud tears and Spike grabbed her quickly, pulling her onto his lap, hugging and rocking her.
“No baby…no…there was no way I’d let that happen. I’d never not come for you…never not find you…and I’d never, never jus’ give you to anyone. You’re mine Buffy…my perfect girl…and no matter how bad it gets, I’ll always find you…save you and protect you.” He kissed her brow and face repeatedly as she cried. “I know he must’ve said things to you…but they weren’t true…he lied. I did find you…I saved you…God Buffy I–” he stopped abruptly, realizing what he’d nearly said.
She pulled away abruptly and stared at him, the tears still rolling down her face. “What?” She sniffled.
He stared back, frozen, caught by surprise and he wondered if she’d guessed. Fear swamped him for a moment, but he recovered quickly and managed to cover up his near slip. “I killed for you…and I’d do it again without hesitation.”
Still sniffling, Buffy sighed and manoeuvred herself off his lap, wiping at her tears. “I’m sure you think that’s very sweet or something…but all it means to me is that there’s now even more blood on my hands.” Spike was about to protest, but she quickly stopped him. “We don’t know for sure which one of us killed him and yes, I know it’s not my fault Gilbey did what he did, and I know if we hadn’t killed him, he’d have killed me…but that still doesn’t make it right…not in the eyes of the law or society…don’t you see? Have you really lived your life so long like this, that you can’t tell right from wrong anymore?”
Spike didn’t answer. He knew there was more than a certain amount of truth to what she said. He’d realized a long time ago he was becoming just like the thing he hated, because he needed too, just to survive. He remembered there was once a time when he would have been horrified by his actions and the actions of the people around him…but that was a long time ago. He was a different man now. He had grown immune to the horror of his life…but Buffy hadn’t and it was tearing her apart. He was suddenly so ashamed of himself and the part he’d played in corrupting her and he realized again why Angel had run. Shame was a powerful emotion.
Angel was right. She was getting to him…and Masters was right. She was a very dangerous woman…and she didn’t even know it. He knew then Buffy would weaken him. He would never be the same again and he would be unable to control the influence she would have on his life and how he normally ran things. She was changing things…even his men were different since her arrival.
Looking at her now tearful and sorrowful, he knew he wouldn’t react as Angel had…he wouldn’t run. No, he would stay strong and they would move forward together…and so what if she changed him? He certainly wasn’t perfect and he wasn’t afraid of the changes she might provoke and inspire in him…he welcomed them and sincerely hoped she’d want to help him build a new life for them. Although he was more determined than ever that she would never be exposed to anything remotely illegal or distasteful…he would protect her as best he could. There were other changes happening too. Luke had already started one particular ball rolling, so when the time was right, he would discuss some of those changes with her…show her life with him wouldn’t be as corrupt as she imagined.
He wished he’d told her he loved her…instead of giving her the stupid answer he had…but he promised himself if the opportunity arose again, he’d not be such a complete coward and tell her the truth.
She was rubbing her forehead in a gesture of pain. “Is your headache still bad luv?”
“No…it’s easing up a bit, but this isn’t helping,” she said softly.
“Do you want to continue? You don’t ‘ave to…in fact, you don’t ever ‘ave to tell me…I don’t care why you sent him away…it’s not important,” he told her.
She smiled weakly. “No…that’s a lie and you know it.” She laughed suddenly and Spike frowned at her.
“What’s so funny luv?”
“Oh, nothing much…but I just realized I caught you in a lie…it kinda struck me as funny…because it’s always been you who can spot when I’m lying, but not now…now I can tell when you’re lying too,” she chuckled.
Spike laughed, wondering when this particular change had happened and realized he was right about the changes. She was growing use to him and could now see certain things because for once, she was looking for them.
“You once said we wouldn’t be able to live a lie. Not with Masters’ spies watching us constantly, but it seems to me that we’ve still managed it…because we’ve both kept secrets, but that has to change…or…or…” she paused thoughtfully for a moment, her eyes scanning his face. “No…there is no ‘or’ we can’t keep secrets from each other…not anymore…not after everything that’s happened.”
Spike nodded, agreeing with her. “Fine luv…no more secrets…from ‘ere on out we’ll be honest with each other.”
“Okay, I’m going to finish this even if it kills me,” she said adamantly.
“It won’t luv…and don’t worry…I’m ‘ere for you, jus’ like you were ‘ere for me last night.”
She smiled and nodded. Spike picked up her hand and intertwined their fingers together, holding her comfortingly.
*****
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